The Light Quest
Throughout my life I have been on this endless mission, searching for the Light that I remembered coming from as I was born into this world of darkness.
I knew what Light was but deep down I knew I would never use it, for fear of abusing it. I wanted to understand the mechanics of Light What was it? how to be the light? how to maintain it? and I was willing to pay any cost to find that answer.
The Journey
On reflection it really was not about the illness or the cause, it was the deep inner stillness and quietude that I emerged out the other end with. A means to an end. Of course it was full of dire perils and pain, lots of challenges throughout this 12 year journey, but coming out of this experience I found all the answers I had been seeking.
Entering the Void
iMy First surgery in 2010, I had a 3″ x 2″ right temporal tumour caused by hydrogen sulphide poisoning from a nearby drilled gas well, which slowly over a 2 year period ate away at the bone leaving no protection to that area of my brain.
It was a terrifying experience as my personality, language, executive functions became chaotic and non functioning.
I tumbled into a fathomless void, a pit of pain and despair. I was seeing all manner of dark beings that came to feast on my lost fearful confusion.
The only thing that kept me from flipping out was a simple mantra ‘Aham Prema’ {I AM divine love.} repeated a kazillion times over the next 12 years. Until my brain was reprogrammed like a computer to align with Love.
The first clear vision I had was post surgery, just out of intensive care with a titanium mesh screwed into my right temporal lobe. {Pre surgery I had calcium build up that had created a thumb size hard shell around the bone tumour indenting into the brain.} As the pressure was removed. I experienced being on top of the tallest white mountain where everything was serene and pure.
Then my brain shut down from the trauma of the surgery and waves of intense pain kicked in.
Everything went all at once my history, memories, who I was, what I had done in life, everything that connected me to this Earth, gone instantly.Gifted the Tools Needed to Navigate the Dark
I was shown two things before this dark road opened up before me, that helped me to surrender into the process of the long walk through the dark night of the soul.
The first was seeing all my molecules come apart in my physical form, to then travel as a data stream through solid objects such as a wall, to reform on the other side.
The second which was connected to the first, was how to deal with the many entities which would come to feed off the intense fear I experienced as my reality crashed around me.
When I dissolved into these free floating molecules the entities could not take anything from me, it was like seeing them come towards me, reaching into me to try and grab hold of anything, something only to be frustrated and come away empty handed as they reached through into empty space.
This ability has stayed with me, protected me and allowed me to travel into many other realms in the Unknown.
Nature comes to the rescue as my brain shuts down and my heart open’s up.
As my brain shut down my heart opened up to Nature.
Nature was the only thing I could deeply connect to. Nature did not demand anything from me. I felt like I was held in a space of total acceptance and love.
Sensory Sensitivity and Isolation
I developed a lot of sensory overwhelm for many years, traffic, noise, people, even the busyness of people’s thinking would leave me feeling in extreme pain and exhaustion, I could feel the energy of collective minds, and and how this energy was a cacophony of distorted frantic energy. It would take days, weeks of rest and stillness for the swelling in my brain to calm down. The loudness of others thoughts was deafening, so I spent years of time isolated, not knowing how to connect with others.
I watched a movie recently called Chaos Walking on Netflix 04/16/23
the quote perfectly described my 12 year journey of complete sensory overload.
“The noise is a man’s
thoughts unfiltered
and without a filter
a man is just chaos walking.”
unknown world settler
Being one with nature allowed me to experienced some amazing connections with nature, telepathy and universal healing Light that I will blog about in my next post.